


chase it down with a shot of truth

by wilsonbarnes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 20:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20663228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilsonbarnes/pseuds/wilsonbarnes
Summary: Sam and Bucky broke up with each other, claiming they have fallen out of love. Several months later, Bucky finds himself happy in the arms of another man. Meanwhile, Sam finds himself still looking back. Maybe he didn't fall out of love after all.





	chase it down with a shot of truth

**Author's Note:**

> got the idea for this fic from a quote tweet of mine https://twitter.com/capwiIsons/status/1173037363146051584?s=19 this is my first sambucky and ao3 fic so bare with me if it isn't the best of quality,, (title from "ghost of you" by 5 seconds of summer)

The speakers at the club are loud against Sam's ears as he walks his way to the bar and its tender. He's used to it. The sounds of the bass and treble clashing, allowing him to temporarily take his mind out of him. Temporarily being the operative word in the sentence. Nothing, not even the loudest of sounds, would be able to let Sam drift off the thought of Bucky.

The way anything else in the world wouldn't matter as long as he had Bucky wrapped in his arms, the way anything bad about the world was set afloat when he kissed his forehead.

Not even the loudest of sounds would be able to outstand the thousand decibels of his heartbeat caused by James Buchanan Barnes.

Little did Sam know, while he was thinking about Bucky's warmth, Bucky's smile, Bucky's laugh, _Bucky_, his feet had already brought him to the bar, the tender welcoming him with eyes as tired as his. He orders a scotch, neat, the way he liked it. The way he drank it whenever he and Bucky decided to have a drink for the sake of it. The way he drank it after Bucky told him––

_"Sam.."_

_"Yeah?"_

_Bucky lets out a sigh. Of resignation, of exasperation, Sam doesn't know. He just knows whatever the other will be saying won't be good._

_Bucky explains, a frown evident on his face, "I... feel as if we're not as in love as we were before."_

_Sam's ears ring, accompanied by the suddenly rapid beat of his heart. His hands want to shake, but they don't. His eyes want to show a sign of anguish, desperation, of anything he's truly feeling but they don't._

_He replies instead, his voice audible enough to hear the disappointment in it._

_"Is that so?"_

_"Don't you think so?"_

_Sam has the motive to lie. To just let this go so the both of them don't have to stay in a relationship where one doesn't feel like loving the other anymore._

_And Sam is known to follow his motives._

_"I definitely do, yeah," Sam tells him despite how much it hurt him to._

_Bucky lets out a sad smile. "I think we should break up."_

_Then the ringing in his ear returns, his hands although not shaking are sweating._

_"Yeah. Okay," Sam agrees. Well, for a fact, he doesn't. His words say he does, but his heart none the wiser. But his mind says it's for the best. For Bucky's happiness. And that's what matters._

_Bucky's hands find their way to Sam's, holding them with strong grip. Bucky's eyes look at Sam's with remorse, telling the other that he's sorry for having to do this. Bucky's lips then make their way over Sam's, knowing damn well that this will be the last time their lips will be this close. Then they part. Bucky parts ways with Sam too, leaving him alone sitting at his couch. _

_Sam's heart parts in million different ways too, parting with each other's fit pieces when Bucky did. But he stays. _

_Stays on the couch, hoping to cradle what was once there. But instead, he cradles himself. The stability he tried so hard to keep breaks, and the sharp points of the shattered pieces punctures Sam's state. _

_Cradles himself to the sound of his thoughts. In what way did they fall out of love? In what way could he have convinced Bucky that no, no we didn't? In what way could he have fixed the past, proved to Bucky that they will never, never fall out? _

_In what way will he fix himself? _

_His mind blurs, just as his eyes do. His brain couldn't think of anything that could be comprehended, that could be reasonable. _

_What his brain could set itself to, though, is the alcohol begging, almost charming him to come over and just empty it out. Again, it's a motive that he follows. _

_He reaches over the cabinet, opening it to see the scotch there, and the only thing he can think of is downing its contents. Maybe even more. _

_He gets himself a shotglass, pours the scotch in the glass, and almost instantly, he tilts his head and downs the alcohol with a single gulp. _

_He pours again, and again, and again, and again. _

Until he finds himself under the red lighting of the club again, snapping back to reality, a glass of scotch in front of him, ready to be drank. 

His phone tings, the sound of the club's music overpowering the sound of the notification. He grabs it and reads the notification. 

**INSTAGRAM **

_jbbarnes just posted a photo. _

He fights the urge to tap his phone, to see if Bucky's doing well with his new partner. At least, he tries to. The fact that he has Bucky's post notifications on was as itself an urge he tried to fight. Unfortunately for him, the urge won. And it always will, he learns as he finally taps the notification. 

The screen projects a video of Bucky under red lighting, laughing, eyes glistening under the red lights. Sam's heart pounds at the sight, remembers that he used to look at him like that.

He puts the speaker close to his ears, wants to hear Bucky laugh. And he hears it, a hearty laugh, sending chills down his spine but sending tears to his eyes.

He hears more. A laugh, but not Bucky's. It's coming from behind the camera, and Sam knows for a fact that this dude is the same dude to make Bucky laugh the way he made Bucky light up before. It sends even more tears to his eyes. 

To think that they're underneath the same light. So close in that aspect, but so far away.

He laughs to himself. Accepting for the millionth time the fact that Bucky will never be his anymore. But it doesn't hurt less everytime. 

He downs the scotch, hoping to bring along the memories he had with Bucky with the gulp. 


End file.
